아메리칸 조크

My law partner was presenting a no-fault divorce case to an Ohio domestic-relations court. The couple involved had no children, but they did have a dog, of whom both were very fond. My partner stated that both parties agreed to share whatever medical expenses might be necessary for the care of the animal. They also agreed that the wife would have custody, but that the husband would be allowed vi..

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?" "It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?" "That's my business! Get me the course!" Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making su..

One day while we were doing yard work, my nine-year-old daughter found a baby snake, and I encouraged her to catch it and put it in a jar. Later she found a huge bullfrog and got another jar to put it in. After dark I told her she would have to set them free. With the frog in one hand and the snake in the other, she started down the porch steps. Suddenly she screamed wildly, dropped both the sna..

Our cat, Figaro, comes home between 10 or 11 at night to eat. If he’s late, I turn on the carport light and call him until he appears. One day my daughter was explaining to a friend where we live, and her friend said, "Is that anywhere near the house where the woman stands on her steps late at night and sings opera?" 우리 집 고양이 피가로는 밤 10시와 11시 사이에 먹으려고 집으로 온다. 만약 그놈이 늦으면, 나는 간이 차고의 불을 켜고 그놈이 나타날 때..

Each morning at 5:30, I take my Lhasa Apso, Maxwell, for a walk. He has the bad habit of picking up bits of paper or other trash along the way. When he does, I command him to “drop it,” and he usually complies. One morning, though, he absolutely refused to drop a piece of litter. So I told him to “sit” and then approached him to see what his treasure was. It was a $10 bill. 매일 아침 5시 30분에 나는 라사압소..

One of the highlights of the freshman biology class at New Mexico Highlands University was the monthly feeding of a caged rattlesnake kept in the laboratory. One time, the entire class gathered around the cage and, in complete silence, watched as the feeding took place. "I’m jealous of the snake," the instructor said. "I never get the class’s undivided attention like this." A student answered ma..

My father-in-law had prostate surgery. We brought him to the hospital at 7:30 a.m., and he was operated on at eight. We were amazed when the hospital called at noon to tell us he could go home. Two months later our beagle, Bo, also had prostate surgery. When I brought him in, I asked the veterinarian what time I should pick him up. The vet told me Bo would remain overnight. “Overnight?” I said. ..

My niece bought her five-year-old daughter, Kayleigh, a hamster. One day he escaped from his cage. The family turned the house upside down and finally found him. Several weeks later, while Kayleigh was at school, he escaped from his cage again. My niece searched frantically but never found the critter. Hoping to make the loss less painful for Kayleigh, my niece took the cage out of her room. Whe..

A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and ex..

A guy finds a sheep wandering in his neighborhood and takes it to the police station. The desk sergeant says, "Why don’t you just take it to the zoo?" The next day, the sergeant spots the same guy walking down the street with the sheep. "I thought I told you to take that sheep to the zoo," the sergeant says. "I know what you told me," the guy responds. "Yesterday I took him to the zoo. Today I’m..