아메리칸 조크

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said. The Scotsman re..

An Italian guy and a Jewish guy go out to dinner. They go to a very expensive restaurant and are there for a couple hours, talking and carrying on. Finally, the waiter comes over and says, "Who should I give the check to?" The Italian guy says, "Give it to me. I'll take care of everything." "Fine," says the waiter. The next day the headlines read, "Jewish Ventriloquist Strangled to Death." 한 이탈리..

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a straw..

President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home. The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him. Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?" The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the ..

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?" "Of course my child, What can I do for you?" "Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worr..

A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies,..

There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he alway’s made it by there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he as..

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again, and again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen bec..

Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about their passionate love-making. "Every time we make love", she said, "I get splinters." So, Pinnochio went back to his maker, Gepetto the carpenter, to ask his advice. "Sandpaper, my boy, that's what you need," was the carpenter's response. A couple of weeks later, the carpenter met Pinnochio. "Well, how are you getting on with your girl..

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.” So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean sa..