아메리칸 조크

God's Plan for Aging. Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom, God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom, He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, re..

Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech. "Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I d..

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear; no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?” The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “General Wheeler.” “I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.” The general said..

Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open..

Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general gofer at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee. He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos. "Is this big enou..

Jayme and Bob have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Bob came home from work saying he'd invited four friends from the office home for dinner on Friday. Jayme is a bit apprehensive as she asks if she must cook a meal for them all. Bob explains that there will actually be eight coming, as each has a spouse or date. Since this is her first party, he consoles her by saying that all ..

Marc and Kim were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go. Marc was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, Marc, "what would happen if I poked out one of ..

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. "Don't know," the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to t..

Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired..... Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him ..

A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift. "No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn't like it." The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manger out for martinis. "No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "I tried alcohol once..