아메리칸 조크

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "An..

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetizers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiri..

A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?" 어떤 남자가 동네에서 좀 누추한 곳을 걸어..

A guy goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy who's obviously been drinking for a while. The drunk gets up from his stool to go to the bathroom and falls down 3 times. The guy says to himself, "I'll help this guy get home safely." and helps him out to his car. The guy falls down five more times. He drives him up to the address on his license, takes him up to the door. The guy falls down 8 ti..

A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to pour him a 12 year old single malt scotch, before the trouble starts. The bartender pours his drink and quietly moves away. After finishing his drink, the man calls the bartender back and tells him, "Pour me a 15 year old scotch before the trouble starts." The bartender thinks this is very strange but pours him the 15 year old scotch. After fini..

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one -- just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'" 마이크가 바 안으로 들어오..

After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 am?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife!!!" said the man. 어떤 남자가 5시간 동안 바에 앉아 있다가, 운전할 수 ..

A guy was meeting a friend in a bar, and as he walked in he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his friend, "but when I walked in they were speaking German." 한 남자..

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either." 어떤 취객이 성당으로 비틀거리며 들어와서는 고해소 안에 ..

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter's room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!" "It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter's room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!..